I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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