phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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