I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
