Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
