I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
