I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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