Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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