New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
