You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize