My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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