I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
