i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
