hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
