Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
