Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
