saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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