i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
