Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize