i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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