We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
