Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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