I'm really into asian looking animals
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
