I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
