I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
