I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
