I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
