There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
