Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
