How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
