Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
