just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
