Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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