Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Randomize
