made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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