peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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