Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do herpes really smell.
sarcasm needs its own font
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
