Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
