Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
