just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize