New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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