I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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