i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
