Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
