why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
