marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
