We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
