Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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