It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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