All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
