speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
