You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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