Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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