I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
