Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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