So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize