Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
