life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
