Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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