we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
