i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
