the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
