I just pynch a tree in the face
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
