He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
