Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
