Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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